Skeptic Humor

Brief Test of Critical Thinking

by Jeffry Ricker, Ph.D.

1. When your gasoline guage is past Empty, and you are five miles from the nearest gas station, your best option is to:

1. press the accelerator to the floor so that you can get to the gas station before you run out of gas.
2. place a piece of duct tape over the guage so that the engine won't know when there's no more gas.
3. let most of the air out of the front tires so that it will feel like your car is driving down hill, put it in neutral, and coast to the gas station.

2. You are at the local drive-thru liquor store and discover that you don't have the $1.50 (plus tax) it will take to buy the gallon jug of No-Brand Vodka. It would be best to:

1. grab the jug, close your eyes so the security camera can't see you, and pedal your bike out of the drive-thru lane as fast as possible.
2. settle for the two-liter Big Bag of Bourbon in a Box for 99¢ (plus tax) on sale until Sunday.
3. both a and b

3. It's ten minutes before your algebra final is scheduled to begin. You haven't been to class in four weeks; you're able to count only up to the the number G; you sold the textbook back to the bookstore after the first class meeting; you missed the last two tests; and you flunked the first test because you couldn't remember what "x" stood for. You probably should:

1. show the teacher your grandmother's obituary from last year and tell him that you're really late for the wake.
2. take the final anyways. Who knows? Maybe you'll "ace" it!! Hey, anything's possible, right? Ya' just gotta think positive!!
3. Tell the teacher that he never returned your last two tests but that you know that you "did really good on 'em" ...
4. and that he also incorrectly entered 9% for your score on the first test instead of the 99% that you really got ...
5. and that, oh yeah, he forgot to return that test to you after you gave it back to him so that he could correct his mistake!

4. Critical thinking is:

1. good.
2. bad.
3. crunchy.

5. If you are making crank phone calls, would it make sense to cover the caller ID so that the person answering the phone doesn't know who you are?

1. yes
2. only on the weekends
3. Did I already include "yes"? I did? OK, thanks.
4. no

Scoring:

Add up the number of items you either answered or thought about answering or would have answered if you could read, add the number of pints in a meter, multiply by Planck's Constant (no, not that Planck, the other one), and divide by your age when you were 10.

Did you get a number? No? Good!